Breakfast & The Meaning of Slavery

Breakfast
Sharing her paintings with JeSuis; argument about whether they are slaves
Share-All woke to the sound of children's voices. When she opened her eyes she the little slaves filing out the door. The candles were gone, the taper, the table, JeSuis's pillow and JeSuis. Not knowing what else to do, she tailed the others.

Down the hall past the same rooms they had passed the night before. When they came to the painting room, she paused. She had permission from Gifted to paint whenever she wanted. Was that what she wanted right now? She thought to herself, "I'd like to paint but I'm so hungry. Maybe that's where the little slaves are going. I can always paint later." She continued down the hall into the long room with the large window. "There are so many windows in this house," she mumbled.

Turning left into the cooking room, she found the slaves already pulling things from shelves in the cupboards. Pans clattered, utensils clanged. The room was crowded and everything, it seemed, was in motion, although this time it was the movement of six young girls. One set the table, one mixed something in a bowl, one poured juice. Chattering like birds over grain, they wiggled around each other, occasionally bumping. The smell of something sweet and yeasty filled the room. Bright said in a loud voice, "Let's eat!" Platters of round, flat cakes were placed on the table. Small jugs appeared and bowls of berries.

The children sat down and loaded their plates. Watching them carefully, Share-All placed flat cakes on her plate and poured over them a warm brown liquid from the jug nearest her. She cut them into small pieces with her fork, then placed a bite into her mouth. "They're awfully good with berries, too," said Gifted, handing her a bowl. Share-All took her time eating, savoring the warmth, the sweetness. She saw the shining faces around her. So innocent! So different from last night when she felt them accusing her. Who were these little people really? She looked at each one in turn.

Merciful was the quiet one; Gifted was the animated one. Bright was, well, Bright. Just then Bright lifted her eyes and met Share-All's gaze. Her eyes seemed to say to the slave, "I am the one who knows. I know all about you and I know you." Somehow Share-All did not feel threatened by this. When BitterTears had said these words, "I know you," she spoke them as a warning. The names of the other three slaves, she did not know.
"Would you mind handing me that jug, please? My name is Hopeful," said the slave on her left. "What will you do today?"

"My name is HasNothing, Hopeful, but you can call me by my family name which is Share-All." Share-All was sure that telling her this was unnecessary. After all, she had heard them talking about her from the window after she became sick in the garden. "I thought I'd like to try painting again, unless there's something else I should do."

"Oh! I was hoping that you would paint some more! I picked up all the paintings after they dried and placed them on the chest for you. I couldn't help but look at them. They look similar to the ones that Desire painted. The one of JeSuis is especially good."

Share-All felt her face turn warm and dark. She hadn't thought about anyone else seeing what she had done.

"What's this about a painting of me?" asked the cat as she jumped on the counter.

Hopeful answered, "Oh, Share-All! Will you show it JeSuis? I liked it so much."

The others quickly joined in asking if they could see it also. "All this fuss", the slave said to herself. "You'd think I'd done something special."

JeSuis said, "Why don't we clean up in here and give Share-All time to decide if she wants to show the picture or not?" Chairs scraped, plates clinked and the table was soon cleared. Water was run for the dishes and a line formed for washing, drying and putting things away. JeSuis spoke to the slave, "Why don't you and I go to the painting room?"

"Fine," the slave said to herself. "Some decision I get to make."
When they got to the room, JeSuis waited in the hall. Share-All, however, made straight for the chest where the paintings were. She turned and asked the cat, "Aren't you coming in? Don't you want to see yourself?"
"I know what I look like. Do you?" asked the cat.

Disconcerted by the response, Share-All didn't answer right away. Then, instead of answering JeSuis's question, she asked again, "Don't you want to see the painting?"

"Of course, I want to see the painting. It's one of the first you've ever done and we cats are curious creatures. However, the painting is yours. You do not need to show it to me if you don't want to. Do you want to?"

"Want to," Share-All said to herself. "Do I want to?" She was aware of a desire to see if JeSuis would like it as well as Hopeful had. She was equally aware of a desire to keep it for herself, like a secret. Then again, maybe JeSuis would not like it and then what? "I do want you to see it," she finally said.

She moved several paintings off the stack until she found the one of the cat. She felt taller as she looked at it. It was the best one she had done yesterday. It had fewer mistakes than the others. "It does almost look like the cat", she thought. She picked it up and held it in front of her, facing the cat.

JeSuis moved closer. She tried in vain to decipher what she saw. There were purple swirls and orange dots. Bright green stripes alternating with red ones filled the background. The cat looked and looked but saw nothing that remotely resembled any animal. "Share-All, I don not know how to tell you this. Please do not be offended but I cannot find myself nor any other creature in this painting." She continued to stare at the squiggles and dribbles, the swashes and stripes.

Share-All turned the painting around. "It's so obvious," she said to herself. "It must be, if Hopeful saw it, too." To the cat she said, "Maybe you're too close. Why don't you back up and look again." JeSuis went to the doorway and turned. She still couldn't see what Hopeful had seen and thought was so wonderful. She truly didn't want to disappoint the slave but try as hard as she could, she saw nothing animal-like. "I'm sorry. I just can't see myself."

Instead of the disappointment that JeSuis was worried about creating, Share-All felt a twinge of excitement. Her back straightened a bit, her chin lifted. She asked the cat, "But you do like it, don't you? Even if you don't see yourself?"

"Oh yes!" came the quick response. "There's so much energy, such aliveness in the painting. Did you enjoy doing it? It appears as if you had a great deal of fun."

The slave was embarassed. She said to JeSuis, "I am not always familiar with the words you use here. Forgive me for being so stupid … but I don't know what "enjoy" and "fun" mean."

JeSuis thought that over. It was true that Share-All held her face rigid against expression. The cat wanted to convey something about that as well as the concept of pleasure. "Here, where we live, it is not forbidden to feel. When we feel an emotion, we let the feeling take its course. We also let the feeling show itself in our faces and in our bodies." She held her breath to see how the slave would handle this.

Share-All said, "That's impossible! You are slaves as I am and everyone knows that slaves are forbidden feelings, dreams, and expression of these."

JeSuis let out her breath. The cat walked back and forth in the doorway. Then she jumped to the table where Share-All had painted the pictures. The slave turned to face her. The cat said quietly, "We are not slaves here."

"Not slaves! Not slaves! There is no such thing as not slaves! I am not the ignorant one here. You are the one who couldn't see yourself!"

Carefully the cat tried again, "It is true. We are not slaves here. We have no master or mistress. No one tells us what must be done or when to do it. We make choices. We are not punished for the choices we make, although sometimes we don't make very good ones."

"Not punished? Never? Does no one care for you? No master or mistress?"

The cat realized that the conversation was quickly getting away from her. "I said these things because I wanted to explain about 'fun' and 'enjoy'. Try for just a moment to believe that what I said might be true. If we are not slaves, and will not be punished for showing emotion, then it is not so strange that we would have words for emotions and activities that cause them. Can you understand this much?"

Share-All was nearly beside herself with anger. Her hands were clenched to fists, her stomach in knots. She wanted to hurt the cat for speaking these lies and mocking her. But some part of her heard the words and was trying to do what the cat asked, believe. "Go on," she said, spitting out the words.

"'Fun' is something you do for pleasure, a good feeling, that makes your body feel relaxed. It can also make you happy and make you smile, like this." JeSuis made a grotesque movement of her lips and showed teeth. It was so grotesque an approximation of the creasing of the little slaves' faces, that she found her own mouth crinkling at the corners.

"Yes! Like that! That is a smile, and a sign of happiness or pleasure," said the cat. Share-All immediately stopped smiling.

"'Enjoy' is another word for giving yourself pleasure. When you were painting, didn't you feel 'something' when you discovered you could choose the different colors? That no one was telling you which ones you had to use, and in which order? Even though you may not have noticed it at the time, I think you remember it. All I'm telling you is that it's okay. This is not the land you come from. And now, I need a nap." JeSuis didn't wait for Share-All to respond; she simply left the room.

"What big speeches the cat makes! No wonder she's tired," thought Share-All. "And what nonsense! Pleasure, fun, enjoy, smiles. No punishment, no masters. Ridiculous." She turned to the table but no longer felt like painting. Through the window she saw nothing but green grass and the fence. As she looked, she was reminded of her dream last night about taking the cookie from the stranger. Shocked that she remembered the dream at all, she instantly associated the cat and the stranger who she thought meant kindness by offering the cookie. Was her dream trying to warn her that she would pay for the time she spent here? Then just like in the dream, she stomach began to twist from the poison and she had just enough time to vomit her breakfast into the bucket of used water.